Jess is a "Good Girl"

Yes, so I have been declared by the deputy head (JD, as he will now be known) at my school. I'm so proud, and didn't feel in the least bit patronised or undermined as a young woman. (I'm not being thoroughly sarcastic there, but obviously there is more than a small trace.)

I earned the accolade by compiling a "dossier" of YouTube videos created by kids at my school, which I stumbled upon after suspecting some bullying videos were on there. Most of the videos (shot on mobile phones, which are BANNED at school - this, I suspect, is the reason JD has taken it so seriously. He sees children flouting the rules as making a personal attack on him.) were just extremely stupid: kids being silly on the bus; kids egging each other on to drink muddy water from a puddle; etc etc. But two were disturbingly vindictive and aimed at one particular, ginger kid in my Year 9 class.

Stupid kids.

Hilariously, I found myself in the predicament of having to explain why I'd set my Year 10 the homework task of watching a video on YouTube and analysing the use of Gothic features. No, it wasn't the fact that they were on YouTube, it was the term "Gothic". Not only did the word remind JD of those horrible kids called "Goths", but he was worried about the repercussions of studying anything Gothic in a Catholic school. I had to then explain why "Frankenstein" has extremely Christian themes, that the kids are very aware of these, and that they need to explore the social and historical context of the novel in order to achieve a good mark for their coursework. JD seemed satisfied by this, saying that he had no idea what it was about.

It was only when I walked back into the English workroom that a colleague pointed out that this conversation had taken place around the corner from my gory display: the background is black, there's a border of red paper made to resemble dripping blood, and HORROR written in Chiller font.

It's funny having to justify this kind of stuff. The fact that kids love it and therefore engage with it doesn't seem to be enough. But the idea that classic texts and even Shakespeare texts need explanation is ludicrous.

As an introduction to Macbeth, my Year 8 class were talking about superstitions. One girl mentioned that she and some friends had tried the "bloody Mary" thing and done an Ouija board. After talking about it in depth (haha), I advised the class to never mention any of their dealings with evil spirits to anyone in the senior team . . .

Another member of my department remarked that if her daughter had to read The DaVinci Code, she's definitely complain. Not because she's Catholic and doesn't agree with its content, she added, but because it's so shit.

Spot on.