I haven't blogged for quite some time. This isn't just due to having as massive a workload as normal, but because Tiscali are w@nk (hilarious that "w+nk" has come up as a hyperlink) and we haven't had broadband now since the 5th of this month. How appalling it is that losing the internet feels so seriously debilitating.

I was scared to check my mail just then, after I emailed the Senior Liaison Tutor (SLT) a complaint about my mentor.

It was very difficult talking about her in objective, diplomat terms, but I think I managed it, but I'm still nervous about the response (his response was "Thanks for this."). She's nothing short of a bully who delights in making me upset and behaves aggressively when I raise any question about the arrangements in place for me.

In brief, she's a bitch! I think she's punishing me because it's probably obvious to her that I think she's a shit teacher. Every lesson of hers that I've observed is heavy on resources downloaded from Teachit, and she can't cope with any remotely difficult kids.

Her whiteboard has many deep indentations which puzzled me for ages, until a teaching assistant told me it was where she slams the marker into the board in her fits of rage. In a Year 11 lesson she shouted so loudly (it was almost a scream) that I winced terribly and had to stop myself from covering my ears. The class just laughed! She's told me before that she can't handle this group at all, and left them with me yesterday while she did some photocopying. They were fine with me, and when she came back we were discussing why the ending of the film version of Of Mice and Men is different from the book. (I also got all the girls in that class paranoid about chewing gum by telling them that they could get a masculine jaw. Very funny.) I think she was hoping that they'd be total shits with me.

I don't know why. I always talk about the classes I'm finding difficult to handle, so it's not like I come across as arrogant about managing pupil behaviour. Mind you, her Year 8 and Year 9 classes that I've taken on seem to be much more engaged with me than they were with her . . .

Everything all at once

Whilst bending down scrutinising the washing machine that isn't working, I realised I could smell wee. Animal wee.

I searched the cupboards and could find no droppings.

Then, this afternoon, I spotted the tiny little poos on the opposite side of the kitchen. I crouched down and was intoxicated by the stench of animal output from under the cupboards.

Why oh why oh why?

The council don't charge for rats, but they do charge for mice (£50). If anyone knows of a cheaper, preferably humane way to rid one's abode of rodents, please share.

snore

The lack of blogging goes to show how very little time I've had, and frankly, it's doing my head in. If I manage to cling on long enough to finish this course, it'll be a miracle. I really feel that teaching is as boring as a sit-down office job. I feel challenged in many ways, but not in any stimulating way . . . It doesn't make me nervous, excited or scared; just bored and very, very tired.

I had the day off today as I needed to have some blood samples taken, and my car went in for a full service and MOT. Because the test centre is much nearer my old house, I took the opportunity to do all the cleaning there, and I think I've finished. I first got a call from the test centre saying a few things were up and it would cost me around £120ish plus VAT. Fine, go ahead, I said. Then another call: "I also found ...." Then after ages, when I was expecting them to have finished: "I've just found something else . . ."

Thus, my car won't be fit for purpose until tomorrow afternoon, which means I somehow have to work out how to get the bus, train and bus to the school in Chesterfield.

What a wonder it would be if I actually got a job somewhere, nearby, in Sheffield.

I'm annoyed.

As per usual.

But at least I'm not as upset as last week, and tomorrow is half-way through. Still, with that kind of day-by-day attitude, I really don't know if I can make it.

Someone, please please please, tell me what to do with my life.

New home

After school tomorrow I have to pick up the keys for our new rented house. I'm really looking forward to reorganising my life into a new place. While it's stressful, I really love moving house. I suppose it's only because the houses I live in aren't places I'd ever buy, and if I did buy a house, I'd invest so much time and money making it perfect that I hopefully wouldn't want to move. In rented accommodation I don't think you ever forget that you don't have free reign to do as you want: the random pieces of horrible furniture and bad kitchen layout are a constant reminder. Hey ho, onwards and upwards, and more cliches to boot.

Ian is illegally downloading new episodes of Lost and so the internet seems painfully slow . . .

I randomly / in an annoyed state of mind typed into Google, "how the fuck do I plan a decent lesson [no question mark]", and a link came up to "Celebrity Atheists" site, which was quite interesting. Who'd have thought that Keanu Reeves was an atheist? I found the section on Douglas Adams (here) thought-provoking, as he described the reasons for calling himself a "radical atheist" rather than simply an atheist, because it carries the meaning of serious, thoughtful atheism. It made me feel quite warm inside, which I know religious people would find quite strange (by religious I only mean people who believe in a god).

If I'm honest though, I find people who describe themselves as "agnostic" harder to understand than anyone of a religious persuasion. Belief is such an absolute: you either have a certain belief or you don't. I don't see that someone can half-believe in a god, though I can see how they may not have thought through the matter enough to have made an opinion.

But this is all by the by. I would never have expected that Douglas Adams and Richard Dawkins were best mates, but then, why not?

On another completely unrelated topic, I have just replaced my horrible (itself a replacement) unofficial Mac keyboard with a brand new OFFICIAL version (only £19), and it's absolutely lovely. I was getting very tired of copying and pasting Xs and not being able to use Caps Lock. Happy days.

I've also realised that I haven't mentioned anything about my visit to Brighton, featuring Rolo Tomassi, and I haven't reviewed Patrick Wolf, who was excellent.

Will there ever be time? Judging by recent weeks, probably not. (At my first placement school I mentioned that I kept a blog, and the head of department asked how I had time. I shrugged off the question, but it's not that I make time to blog; more that I sometimes have to blog. Perhaps she imagined me scribbling a diary-type entry filled with all the day's details. I wish.)

Early February snow and fog

Brighton

I've always loved dereliction and found it strangely beautiful, and the old Brighton pier is like an elegant skeleton, or a crashed UFO. I didn't notice until I viewed the picture large on my computer, but there are waves of flocking birds in the sky too.















Who'd have thought there was a strange Asian fairytale castle in the middle of Brighton? Not me.


















Ed and Linda have two pet terrapins which I found really mesmerising. Look at its horrible evil face. Quite stupidly, I was surprised at how lizard-like they were, and yet they are of course reptiles.

Sock monster

This is the toy I made for my mam. I don't know what his name is, or even what he is, except extremely grumpy, but he looks pretty cool, I think. He has a long tail which means he can perch (here he's on the back of my flower-covered chair, which I don't think I've shown before).